Are you a people pleaser? Do you find yourself doing more and more for friends and family, pushing yourself to the limit at work, and often feeling that others take advantage of you? Many of us want others to be happy, so we are willing to sacrifice ourselves, our own happiness, time, and general wellbeing for the people we care about. The act of caring for others is important for our loving connection in relationships, but have you noticed its begun to take a toll on you?
If you do find yourself over-extended, worn out, and lacking time to restore your inner balance, it is likely that you may feel upset. Resentful. Even, angry. Most people who put themselves last are not happy, because they never allow time to re-charge their batteries. These established patterns become the norm for your family. Work knows that you will get the job done. You feel stuck because it’s terrifying to think that you may let someone down or not fulfill an expectation that was set initially by yourself, and now is continued by others around you.
I often tell my clients that “No.” is a complete sentence. It a challenging word to say for some, but it leads to the beginnings of a healthy relationship with oneself and with others.
I’d like to introduce the concept of boundaries. If you are unfamiliar with boundaries, we can think about what a physical boundary is first. The door to your house is a physical boundary. You can open it if you’d like to go outside to check the mail or answer the ring of the doorbell or you can keep it closed to keep out wind, rain, or strangers. Personal boundaries extend somewhat further into various categories of life. Some include emotions, time, space, information, possessions, and money. It will be up to you to establish healthy boundaries for yourself. At the beginning of setting new boundaries, the people we interact with may be uncomfortable or displeased with the changes, but in doing so, you start to reclaim a sense of self that was missing. The experience of working to say no or adjusting how much we do is a balancing act that takes practice and requires focused intention.
If you struggle with setting boundaries in one or more areas of life, feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and would like to get to a healthy place with yourself, let’s get together.
You deserve it!